Nonviolent Communication training in Portland.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also called Compassionate Communication, is a framework for honest expression and empathic listening developed by the American clinical psychologist Marshall Rosenberg from the 1960s onward. Rosenberg's central insight is that almost all human conflict — from family arguments to workplace dysfunction to international war — has a similar internal structure, and that a specific four-step communication pattern can interrupt that structure in real time.

The four steps are: Observation (specifically what happened, without evaluation), Feeling (what is alive in me right now, distinguished from thoughts about others), Need (the underlying universal human need that is or isn't being met), and Request (a specific, doable, present-tense action — not a demand). Stated this way it sounds simple. In practice, separating observation from evaluation, distinguishing feelings from thoughts, identifying needs accurately, and making clean requests rather than demands all require sustained practice. Rosenberg used to say that NVC is not difficult to understand and not easy to practice.